like a drum, a rhythm, a beat. a heartbeat.

(July 22)

most of the morning his fingers were curled around mine and he could be found within two or three of his toddling steps from mine whenever I walked across the playground like a faithful and unsure puppy. later, he sat on my lap, facing me with the plastic ends of a toy stethescope in his ears looking at me quizzically. i asked him, after a few minutes what he was listening to, what he heard? i expected him to say "your heart" having being told that was what the pretend instrument was used for.
but he looked up, with big brown eyes and told me, ever so confidently...

"your music"



(July 24)

most of you, people i see on a daily or weekly basis have heard my "your music" story and this is because everytime i think of it i still smile and get a little rush of happiness.

that multifaceted part of humans, the heart. the way it is so much, and in so many sometimes opposite ways. i can use my heart to tell you something you need to know, even if i don't want to say it. and it can make me turn around and fix a wrong, a hand up and sometimes a step down. but usually i hope it says things lighter than that. it dances and it sings. it sways and it twirls and in all of that i hope you can't help but hear music. my music.
i don't know what it sounds like, that is something only you perceive. i know that sometimes it snaps at you and startles you. i know that sometimes it creeps up and brushes you from behind but i hope it feels like a warm breeze. i know that sometimes it's too loud, too harsh and too much. i know that it makes mistakes. sometimes it stumbles along the way and sounds very much like it needs more practices, but be patient.
i never expected it to be perfect.
but in that, the heart can do other things too. it pumps hard and fast tearing down the streets at night, it keeps me moving down the river and up the mountain. it pushes me forward, and pulls me through.

my heart can just as well be my music, the way the little boy told me, the only confident words out of his mouth that day. i hope it lingers in the air like a perfect note, hovering and hesitant to land. i hope it hangs with you and brings you only the best.
i hopes its rich and something you'd listen to more than once. i hope its easy to understand and you never have to ask twice.
i hope you hear things here that change faster than the waves and move quicker than the leaves. but i hope that behind that, loyally there is something you will always count on and always expect.
like a drum,
a rhythm,
a beat.
a heartbeat.
my music.
my heart.